June 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
Yesterday at 2 p.m. I put in my two-week notice at my present place of employment. I’ve worked there as a nurse for about a year and a half. While there, I’ve been told that I am an asset to the facility. Funny thing is, by 5 p.m. yesterday, my position had already been filled. Easily replaced.
By that point, some people appeared more concerned regarding who was to take my position instead of where I was going or what I was to be doing. How quickly the current of life can change, carrying us away with it.
I have found that people call too many people their friends, when in fact they are associates. Associates are individuals we stand to gain something from by being associated with them, be it position, prestige, promotion, increased visibility, etc.
Friends don’t care if you rise or fall, if you gained five pounds, or if you drive a hooptie of a car. Friends are there regardless of our imperfections. Perhaps we are brought together because of the imperfections, and not in spite of them.
My last day at work will be the 24th of this month. To be honest, I’m more than a little nervous about it. Inevitably I’ll detox from the stress incurred even subconsciously from the intensity of working as a nurse. Our minds might be okay with stress at times, but I have found that my body doesn’t forget, nor does it forgive very readily.
I leave for retreat the second week of July, so I’ll have a little time before then to settle into a retreat mood. I will finally be able to catch up on some studies, sit a little longer in meditation each day, go for a jog, maybe even re-approach Ashtanga yoga.
What I won’t be doing is rushing about trying to get everything done on a predetermined time table. I won’t be running up and down the halls of a medical unit trying to manage multiple pain levels while answering telephone calls and requesting additional orders from physicians while coordinating with the pharmacy department while providing education to family and patients and at the same time supervising a 24 bed unit and maybe eat a few bites of lunch. And that’s just the first half of a usual shift.
As of now I don’t have a definite source of employment to return to after retreat, no funding for continued financial support. I’m beginning to be okay with that. I will probably have an interview with a hospice agency when I return, to work as a hospice nurse, but nothing is guaranteed as of now. I’m simply living with the groundlessness, having faith that everything is going to work out.
There’s a discrepancy between what is and how we perceive it. I’m attempting to be still and let go of how I perceive my life to be. I’m attempting to see it for what it is. And in the mean time, freaking out . . . just a little.